In the fall of 2018, one blurry-eyed, chilly morning, I pulled into Wawa and found a parking spot next to a police car. Nothing unusual, just a couple of cops in their squad car, chatting. I got out and went in to get my cup of rocket fuel to get through the drive. While pouring, police officers came in. One of which was the female officer that spoke to me in that commuter lot last July.
I am not sure that I have ever been "triggered" before so I was never certain what that meant, until that very moment. Standing at the coffee counter, I was instantly transported back to that moment in July of 2017. Feeling the sweat and heat of that day, sitting in my car, pressing the gun against my head. Overcome with despair and hopelessness that rocked me to my very core.
The officers immediately walked to the coffee counter and began pouring cups for themselves. They continued to chat about someone in their department that was requiring everyone to complete additional training that neither felt was necessary. They did not appear to notice me soaking in everyone word spoken by the two of them, but the woman's voice was drilling into my brain.
They were chatting about someone they worked with and how they had an issue with something this person had said. To be honest, that was about all I could make out. I just could not take my eyes off that woman.
As I sat in the car that July day, soaked in sweat and panic as the SWAT team began to take their positions around me, her voice was like a lifeline that I couldn't decide if I should take. I knew that the day would not end well, regardless of what I decided. But her soft approach was welcome after the previous officer's more direct and hard tone. She seemed to be empathic to the mess I was in and less threatening. I guess her approach just spoke to me and encouraged me to take the path of less bullets flying into me.
Within moments, they paid for their coffee and were back in their vehicle. I instantly regretted not approaching her and thanking her for her help that day. I wanted her to know that for all of the shit that they likely deal with, her work that day was greatly appreciated not only by me but my family, as well.
Pretty sure the people behind me are getting pissed at my slow pace. I snapped out of the moment I was sent back to and finished up.
I know that I will forever carry the events of that day and look forward to not panicking as the anniversary of that day approaches. But until then, I will alway be watching for that officer as I get my morning cup of coffee.
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