I will be completely honest, I am all for working with a therapist. I know alot of guys, well, and alot of women, are not comfortable working with a therapist. It's often viewed as being weak and not very valuable. Well, I think that is complete bullshit.
But here is the thing; I hate finding a new therapist.
The first thing is the finding one and making an appointment can take an act of congress. COVID is kicking just about everyone's ass so getting on someone's schedule will take some patience. You are not the only person that is coming apart at the seams. One other thing to know is that they don't all take insurance and some will work on a sliding scale. Thats a nice way of saying that they will work with you on price. Don't be surprised if its gonna be a month or two or six before you see someone. But once you are on their schedule, you are golden. So don't flake it off and decide later that you don't need to do. You are full of shit, you need to go. Besides, if you flake, you just wasted someone else's opportunity to get help, so don't be an asshole.
Ok, you finally have an appointment and you are there. Think of this an an interview, you need to get to know them and see if its a good fit. I once met a therapist that brought her faith into her counseling sessions. Fine for some folks but not this kid. She was fired. Ok, not retained is a better way of saying it. Another was clearly a Trump fan and that wasnt cool with me. She didn't have a MAGA hat or anything and I dont recall what she said exactly, but it chilled the vibe. You may disagree with me but thats ok. It was my interview, not yours. The point is, you need to feel safe with the person you are talking to.
But be careful here. You need to be honest with yourself and not look for reasons to scratch this one off the list. Are you just making shit up to ensure that its not a good fit?
Next, its time to talk. And I mean, really talk. I look at therapy as a time for me to lay out all of my cards and she helps me see what I have in my hand. I may think that I have nothing but an outside perspective is good for connecting dots. Don't make assumptions about what is or isn't a big deal. Let your therapist do their job. And for the love of God, be honest. Most therapists that I have worked with have done a great job of being non judgmental. They are professionals. And they have likely heard worse than you so just let it all out.
Fair warning, if you tell your therapist that you want to hurt someone, you should know that she/he might have to report that. I don't know the specifics but if you make a joke, they may laugh it off. If you have a plan, that might be a different conversation.
Therapy sessions are a single point in time. You will do the real work in between those sessions when it is just you and your thoughts. So make the most of the hour you have with a therapist. It is best to emotionally vomit and let her/him help you clean it up. Get it over with so you know what you need to be thinking about until the next session.
