988, know this number.

In case you haven't heard, there is a new number to call for the Suicide Helpline; 988.  Make a note of it.  Even if you don't need it, someone you know might.

Every 11 minutes, someone loses their battle with their demons and ends their life.  This selfish act leaves a walk of heartache and tragedy for others to clean up and come to terms with.  If you thought you were gonna get a sympathetic ear on this one, you are mistaken.    

This is a national pandemic that needs to be treated as such.  We are losing too many people that have lost hope and need help.  We cannot wait on this and need to devote resources to this.  It's not just our youth but people of all ages.  

I was 47 when I tried to kill myself.  Men kill themselves almost 4x more often than women.  Over 48,000 killed themselves in 2021.  This shit is serious.  

The Buddha once said, life is suffering.  So right about now, someone is saying hell yeah.  Suffering means we are experiencing difficulty.  It means life is hard.  Well, depression is hard.  But you know what else is hard?  Self care.  

Yeah, thats right, I said it.  

You gotta make it a priority.  You gotta get uncomfortable.  Maybe that means calling a doctor or a therapist.  That isn't easy.  

We often hear suicide is selfish and I would agree with that.  But it's also hard.  Considering how to harm yourself is not easy.  Trust me, been there.  But so is picking up the phone and asking for help.  We gotta choose our suffering. 

Working out is hard.  Being fat is hard.  Which do you prefer?  

Ok, just to be clear, I am not at all minimizing this stuff.  But when we are at our lowest, the view is not pretty.  It is on you to change the view and that is hard.  So do one thing. Just one thing, dial 988.  

That, my friend, is self care.  You got this.  

Shopping for therapists

I will be completely honest, I am all for working with a therapist.  I know alot of guys, well, and alot of women, are not comfortable working with a therapist.  It's often viewed as being weak and not very valuable.  Well, I think that is complete bullshit.  

But here is the thing; I hate finding a new therapist. 

The first thing is the finding one and making an appointment can take an act of congress.  COVID is kicking just about everyone's ass so getting on someone's schedule will take some patience.  You are not the only person that is coming apart at the seams.  One other thing to know is that they don't all take insurance and some will work on a sliding scale.   Thats a nice way of saying that they will work with you on price.  Don't be surprised if its gonna be a month or two or six before you see someone.  But once you are on their schedule, you are golden.  So don't flake it off and decide later that you don't need to do.  You are full of shit, you need to go.  Besides, if you flake, you just wasted someone else's opportunity to get help, so don't be an asshole. 

Ok, you finally have an appointment and you are there.  Think of this an an interview, you need to get to know them and see if its a good fit.  I once met a therapist that brought her faith into her counseling sessions.  Fine for some folks but not this kid.  She was fired.  Ok, not retained is a better way of saying it.  Another was clearly a Trump fan and that wasnt cool with me.  She didn't have a MAGA hat or anything and I dont recall what she said exactly, but it chilled the vibe. You may disagree with me but thats ok.  It was my interview, not yours.  The point is, you need to feel safe with the person you are talking to.  

But be careful here.  You need to be honest with yourself and not look for reasons to scratch this one off the list.  Are you just making shit up to ensure that its not a good fit?  

Next, its time to talk.  And I mean, really talk.  I look at therapy as a time for me to lay out all of my cards and she helps me see what I have in my hand.  I may think that I have nothing but an outside perspective is good for connecting dots.  Don't make assumptions about what is or isn't a big deal.  Let your therapist do their job.  And for the love of God, be honest.  Most therapists that I have worked with have done a great job of being non judgmental.  They are professionals. And they have likely heard worse than you so just let it all out.  

Fair warning, if you tell your therapist that you want to hurt someone, you should know that she/he might have to report that.  I don't know the specifics but if you make a joke, they may laugh it off.  If you have a plan, that might be a different conversation.  

Therapy sessions are a single point in time. You will do the real work in between those sessions when it is just you and your thoughts.  So make the most of the hour you have with a therapist.  It is best to emotionally vomit and let her/him help you clean it up.  Get it over with so you know what you need to be thinking about until the next session.  

Asking for help

 This has to be one of the best ads I have ever seen:

Here is a another good one:

As a society, we have made up this stupid notion that being strong means not asking for help.  It's just plain stupid.  I don't get it.  Because we can't see our emotions, they aren't real?  But a broken leg is somehow different?  

I can see the bone sticking out and since I am not an orthopedist, I better go talk to one.  

But lack of expertise in how the mind works is somehow different?  The person that has gone to school for eight years and has been working in the field for even longer doesn't know more than me.  Um, thats not really correct.  

I normally wouldn't pitch or promote something but I think this one is different.  Go check these guys out; https://www.betterhelp.com