What hurts today may not hurt tomorrow

When I was a kid, I would fall off my bike and rip up my knee. Sometimes it was me being a smartass and other times, it was a friend not looking where he was going and running into me. Hurt like a bitch. Sometimes it was a small one, about the size of a quarter and other times, it was the size of several dollar bills laid along the side of my leg and thigh. The road rash had caught up with me once again. If it was during the school year, I had to figure out a way to put my pants on without letting the fabric rub against the area until the scab was strong enough to protect the raw patch. But if it was summer, I could let it air out until the area dried up and scabbed over. But in either case, after a day or two, it would dry up and feel better. A week or two later, I could proudly look at the new scar with great admiration for myself that I survived such a harrowing experience.

Well, as we grow up, the experiences grow with us and so does the road rash. Today, my road rash looks quite different from when I was a kid. It doesn’t appear as raw skin, bleeding profusely. It can appear very differently or not even appear at all. Sometimes my hurt is self inflicted from being careless and other times, it was something out of my control. But in either case, it hurts. The hard part is remembering that much like a skinned knee, the hurt that I am feeling as a 49 year old guy will go away.

The bills will get paid. The fighting will stop. The bullshit at work will go away. I am not for one second suggesting that all of these things will go away easily. Bills go to collection and cars are repossesed. Divorces happen. People get fired. Not suggesting that things don’t get worse, for one second.

But I am saying that at some point, the rain and the clouds will part and the sun will come out. It has to. Even if it’s a brief bit of sunshine, it does come out. At some point, the road rash will scab over, regardless of how bad it is. I have to remind myself of that one quite often. This too, shall pass. 

Below is a link to a really good article about losing sight of this. Our distorted thinking makes it difficult to keep this in mind and we fall prey to black and white thinking. We start with the “always” and “never” and idealize a false reality by saying “if only“. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psych-unseen/201806/suicides-most-dangerous-cognitive-distortion 

Skinning our knee hurts. Losing a job is horrible. Being humiliated by our bosses is demoralizing. Being part of a failing marriage is heartbreaking. Facing a legal crisis can be overwhelming. But at some point, just like the clouds, it blows over and its in the past. Do not let these moments define you.

And then someday, you can look back and remind yourself of how much stronger you are for making it through that storm.